What does it mean when a guy says he's afraid of falling for someone else after going through heartbreaks?

I need to qualify the question.

I have always said to myself , and indeed when “challenged” by my father with the question form my now late father: “Do you think you ever will get married Chris? “

Are you a female friend of his of long standing but genuinely plutonic, nothing more than a kiss and a cuddle as above, although you are not the person that he has had his heart broken by say you? (that is not to be unkind)?

How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?

No different to girls: why take on a relationship when there is a strong possibility it will fail and all she really wanted was half the Estate. Thanks for th kisses and cuddles I have got the money I wanted: or h and you can have the kids

Well luvvies, I am not a computer “flash- memory” or CD R/W storage software.

In real terms didn’t help actually such a liability now I have removed them from my CV.

How do military families balance personal political views with respect for civilian leadership?

The very fact he has confided in you that he is scarred of having his heart broken, is an indication of trust and you need to be able to hold that trust in the y up-set 7 year old or teen who is being told by their son/daughter that a relationship, particularly a long running one (in their eyes); remember that six months to them, is in adults terms may as well be a couple of years in context that he knows whatever he say’s to you will taken seriously and that you will support him emotionally. Indeed he probably does need a cuddle but in this case maternal i.e. you are now a mum dealing with a man who has now developed a child mentality and rationale anything from a reading age of 7 through to the “trying -teens” ! In the both cases the trust that you hear them through and it will go no further. Indeed you could even be an older cousin; the same principle applies.

The same applies to employment as indeed you now fear that you are going to be told you are “over qualified, so no get the job. So what was the point in taking those professional exams when I was 25?

However I am 60 and there fore seen as expensvie so a wrte off.

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I can assure you that bl**dy hurt, and I make no reservations about stating I cried my eyes out. Even if I was 33 ! And yes, I did cuddle that pillow and bawled my eyes out- thank heavens for the cat ! [ seriously]. I am 30 years down the line and it still hurts.

Equally my legal skills, particularly for a small company, saves them a fortune in Solicitors Fees for something that is simple to plead and draft, but the Solicitors will charge you (employer) three time as much than I cost.

Why do I feel so tired all the time even after a good night’s sleep?

Even if he is not in the teenage break up situation, more so if the relationship has been a long one, but (as happened to me didn’t realise I hadn’t said “I love you very much” and a very genuine kiss and a cuddle) has suddenly broken down, not just because the other was being spiteful or just drifted (as in my case, different ways, but hadn’t realised it) apart for any number of reasons. In mine, I had let my job take over my life, and inadvertently not “kept in touch”. Only to realise that she had been seeing other men, not out of malice or spite, but in her own words “ I didn’t know you had those sorts of feelings for me. I just saw you as a friend and former colleague”.

Employees still can’t get it around that voloume does not equal efficiency.

Of course I get the last laugh when the company does collapse 18 months later as they didn’t take any notice of what I warned them about and how new business can be underwritten for a safer debt, more likely to be recovered. But hey, thet can get someone 60% cheaper; but unfortuantely wouldn’t know a Debit from a Credit if it smacked them in the face let alone draft and serve summons, secure Judement and recver the debt for the discout outlied above.

What pleasure do guys get by sucking female breasts?

It may come as a shock but men do have feelings and have a need to be love as much as a woman and that is not in the sexual context either. Perhaps that is what P had wanted from the start and I just never made a suggestion that I was interested in her in that context. Indeed I was too frightened of losing her, which ironically I did as never told her I loved her very much and that kiss when we did meet really meant something to me, but I (now) realised had never made it clear.

My reply was honest and even at the age of 60, I would only ever get married for love and that love returned both emotionally and sexually, with no fear of “thanks or the baby, can I go now?”

So having read law, seen two friends (the latter the most unpleasant) go though divorces, and having had to deal with these matters under control in the case of a loan I am a Credit Manager and draft litigation on those defaulted on and two “adults” squabbling like two teenagers who is going to pay the bill and/or have the car. And yes that really is how absurd things can get, where you may as well be dealing with two 10 year old’s in a playground. The difference in this case that we are in our 30s !

Why do narcissists and especially covert narcissists always play the victim?

Don’t you know our system?

And yes, havning read family law and helped a friend go through particularly unpleasant divorce (there was a six year old boy from the marriage who was played off against his father by a very spiteful (now) Ex-wife. Indeed some very serious Criminal inferences, although never became Charges in Crown or Magistrates Courts; but the accusations taken very seriously by County when the ex-wife tried to secre custody of the boy (now about 9 or 10) who is just getting his balance back, made new friends etc. Indeed in hind sight a very similar scenario to the plot in the film and book “Kramer-v-Kramer”.

As I have found over the last 25 years, employers and that includes high level accountants are too busy looking at voloume, not quality and get the matter dealt with there and then even if it is the whole morning and I haven’t hit my “target of 20 calls hat morning. However I have just recovered £10,000 in 14 days for a un-defendable default by pased the usual replies and Defences by havng so much evidence that there can be no defence, and I have a Judgement I can enforce immediately. even as far as converting it to a Bankruptcy or “Winding -up Order” and close debtor down and taking the money on Liquidation for the sake of a day; an have he money in the bank 21 days later.

What is the difference between the terms "Millennials" and "kids"?

Are you suggesting that a man has confided in you (whether as a friend or just known to you say though work) and he has indeed gone though a sudden, unexpected break up of a relationship which he thought was a greater emotional bonding to the girl, but not realising that actually she did indeed just wanted to be friends, i.e. the odd day out, a kiss and a cuddle when your greet and depart; and something as simple as holding hands going around a shopping centre, or say an event as a sports or similar “fun” type of day, away from the office grind and you can forget everything for that, say 8–12 hours.

That single paragraph “… G and I had a great week end at … and he asked me to marry him [ G ] (now its dawned on me t how much I had neglected her!) and I have accepted and we are getting married n the New Year. Much to her expressed excitement in her sentence construction and vocabulary that it was a genuine love that she has wanted, no a question of trying to make me jealous (although that may be how some people from the “outside looking in” may see that I was ) but a genuine expression that she was loved enough to want to be married, more to the point she felt that way about him.

Once you have fallen out the emotional 5 storey window those bones rarely mend if at all. And yes that fear that you will get emotionally attached to someone that you do indeed love both emotionally and indeed sexually, but never “between the covers” (so to speak); further you will never meet that special person again, or if you do there is a repeat performance, yes there is a lot of fear from the male side that having had what you (I) had thought was a strong emotional relationship, but your opposite number just see’s it as plutonic happen again does indeed make you very wary of getting in to many form of relationship. It should be noted that women have the same experiences and having (genuinely) had your heartbroken there is a fear that a future relationship will go the same way and you will lose that love again.

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

As above I had buried my head in my work, and along with other issues in the 20 years since; I developed epilepsy my work pattern has become very broken and the idea of having a relationship that could go “pop” as I got too involved with my work (mainly fraud and forensic accountancy, including Court Actions through both Civil and Criminal Courts) so may be distracted again. So I think that this is the sort of line this would be male friend is heading down. He as seen what he thought was a solid relationship, even love was actually a figmment of his (and in my case) imagination.

For men particularly how have had children through the relationship to be told by the Judge hearing the case you can only see your child once a week and every other week end, along with 2 weeks of the Childs holiday per annum, bloody hurts ! Again men do have feelings and need lover from their child as much as mum does. Indeed so does the child. Underlined again in the novel and film “Kramer-v-Kramer”.

Works both ways.

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Indeed although my relationship with P was not advanced as I had first thought, and I accept I was verry much at fault, gettng involved with a girl again is very hard and you do reach a stage where you “throw in the towel “ and just accept that no one will ever love you enough for a genuine kiss and cuddle. In my case worked out that it was well when I redeveloped epilepsy and since 2000 a very unstable employment. I now have been told that I may have the onset of dementia and my short term memory irreversibly damaged, learning new tasks and particularly new computing suiteswhich with te computer driven world, employer are more itersted in button pushers and beats per minuete as opposed to someone who says: “Hold on, this doesn’t look right : STOP ! As I found whilst freelancing companies just assumed you knew their accounting suite and when you are slow learner as me, I am afraid the stock phrase “hit the ground running” actually means:

That single letter saying that the weekend she had taken away in a hotel with a friend- she had a very good school girl to school girl friendship that has started when she was about 11, or with her sister often went on weekends away. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that there may be other relationship(s) she was/had been going through and certainly not love as I interpreted it. Clearly these other events that I took her too and the dinners in restaurants and indeed she came to my house for Sunday Dinner (the UK variety Roast -:)) along with the bottle of wine etc.

That fear of going through that type of heartbreak again is very real, whether the would be rejected one is the male or female in the relationship. Indeed I have been very way of making friendships or expressing my love to a girl for fear of that rejection all over again. The few casual chats at the bar or pub have been no different to colleagues having a drink after work; but clearly that fear of going further as in the case of P. that she would come to my house for dinner/evening meal and have that kiss and cuddle on arrival and departure as well a good chat an listen to music. (As an aside I am a little odd in some peoples’ eyes as I don’t have nor ever ha a TV in my house since I left home. In part as there was a load of rubbish on, and in the UK at that time only 4 channels (long before Sattelite and Cable were even thouht of -:) ) .

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